The Confidence Beast strikes, it's a critical hit.

My workplace recently sent me on one of those touchy-feely courses, "Emotional Intelligence" they call it. Disappointingly, it was actually really good [I can be somewhat cynical].

About halfway through the day I started madly writing notes and expanding on ideas in regards to the course. The lecturer actually looked quite pleased, probably a good thing she didn't realise it was notes for this blog post. To be honest I kind of suck at note taking, but here is some of what I wrote down:

* Don't be too critical

* Roll with the punches

* Give some leeway

* Ask yourself ‘Why?’

* Keep asking until you get to the real cause

* Understand you can't please everyone

Now this all sounds pretty generic and pretty much like it should be attached to some cute cat meme. How could any of that possibly relate to gaming? Well let's give it a go.

1. Don't be too critical.
   As players a lot of people [myself included] tend to go over the top. Rethinking decisions, double guessing ourselves, re-tooling abilities, forever upgrading items, replacing items, arguing out of character with other party members about why Tasslehoff Burrfoot  is a legitimate source for the ongoing decision of "always turn left"... you get the picture. Don't be too critical of yourself. Try to understand that bad decisions are made by everyone, and the worst that can happen is more story arcs.
   So you forgot to learn how to speak Aklo, or you don't have that specific potion you all discussed because you REALLY needed that extra barrel of rum. Big deal, work it in. Don't over think the little things and you’ll probably find your games run smoother than if you go through everything you do with a fine tooth comb.
2. Roll with the punches.
   Things go wrong. Often, our role-play is a way to help cope with or temporarily forget the things that are going wrong in our real lives. So how do we cope when things go wrong in our gaming world as well? The best way I've come up with is to remember this; Nothing in a game ever goes ‘wrong’. It just doesn't go the way you planned.
   In table top gaming, I've found players much more resilient to events such as item loss, skill depletion, or even character loss. However the time, emotion, and often dollars spent that can be lost when a LARP character has everything ‘go wrong’ can make it somewhat of a stronger blow, eventually leading to players leaving whole games or even systems as they are unable to deal with the grief* of character loss. What you need to remember is that any loss in gaming is a new opening. We generally have a torrent of ideas going on all the time for our games; use the opportunity to try out something new and shiny.
   
   Some suggestions - HERE
   
   *SIDE NOTE! Yes, it is grief and the grieving process does come into play. We grow accustomed to our characters existing and can have a strong emotional attachment. Don’t just treat it like you don’t care when you do lose a character. Move through the process, talk to your fellow gamers. It might sound strange to have a wake for a lost character but if that character has been a part of your life and the lives of others for what is possibly years, do what you need to and help others do what they need in return.
   
   
3. Give some leeway.
   As stated in Roll with the punches, everyone makes mistakes. Our story tellers, our fellow gamer's and yes, even you. Give a little leeway for the mistakes of others. Generally people are trying to have fun by creating a good game dynamic. Most people don’t realise when they've dropped the ball or they beat themselves up with admitting it. Be respectful of others shortfalls too, no one is perfect and you should understand that. If you do have a major problem with how another player plays the game, or how your story teller runs game, please refer to 4.
   
   
4. Ask yourself ‘Why?’.
   When you do have a problem in game that is eating away at you, or that knocks for six [er, cricket reference, for those not familiar try ‘hits you out of the park’, for those still not familiar google is your friend] ask yourself ‘Why?’. Why is it a problem? This is the first thing you should always do. Don’t just react. Jumping up and down or going off without good cause makes you look bad and can destroy good games not just for yourself, but for others too.
   
   
5. Keep asking until you get to the real cause.
   This is really 4-part two. Sometimes, well actually most of the time, you need to ask ‘Why?’ two or three times. Not to the same base point, but to each step. Ask yourself why the problem makes you upset or angry, then ask yourself what where that feeling is coming from. Do that a couple times and try to do it without just answering over and over that it’s because your being attacked. Try to look a little deeper [see, touchy-feely inner emotion stuff, but it WORKS if you do it right] and make sure there really is something that they need to fix, not that you need to adjust to.
   If you check and it turns out that yes, the other person is doing something wrong, not just something you don’t personally agree with. Approach them with a level head and explain why what they are doing is wrong or needs adjusting. Even if they don’t adjust, at least you had valid reasons and can make the informed decision to take it further (go to your ST or in larger organisations ruling committees) or remove yourself from the situation. It may mean needing to find a new play group. However if something is bothering you for what seem like honest reasons and that thing isn't going to change, get out before you get jaded and perhaps before you spoil it for others that don’t share your opinion*.
   
   *DISCLAIMER! I am not talking about anything illegal or against organisation constitutions. If either of these things are occurring you need to report it to the proper authorities/groups. For anything illegal please contact your local law enforcement (i.e. theft of property/racial or sexual harassment or abuse) and for anything against a groups constitution please keep bringing it up with the groups committee/governing body or look up in your local region possible other avenues.
   
   
6. Understand you can’t please everyone.
   Your decisions in game affect everyone in the game. Even when you don’t think they can, they often do in subtle ways. This again is especially pertinent in LARP style games where you may be affecting people you only ever see at game or you never see as they game in other states or even countries, depending on the size of the LARP. As long as you are not maliciously targeting or trying to cause grief your decisions are yours and yours alone. Always think about how it may affect another player’s experience, but know that you can and eventually will make someone unhappy. The bigger the group, the more likely it is that this will happen. When it does happen, refer to 4 and 5 and ask the affected player to do the same. If you come up realising that you did in fact do the wrong thing admit it, try to fix it if possible, and move on. Don’t dwell, and certainly don’t take it too strongly to heart. These things happen and we all get to learn from it.

Well, another long serious post. Let me know what you guys think. Feel free to debate, argue, and call me a little crazy in the comments below. Be awesome to each other, and hopefully you’ll be back next post for more ramblings and opinions.

Frank out.